Excessive Politeness

There's a Big Issue seller on the high street who makes a point of catching your eye and asking, very loudly, 'Can I interest you in a Big Issue, Sir/Madam?'. This I don't mind. It's good, in fact, because I'm sure it scares people into buying it, and who am I to deny him a sale? It also allows me to say, with equal volume and lack of subtlety, 'No thanks mate', instead of feeling bad for seemingly ignoring him whilst muttering 'no thanks' under my breath, which is what I normally do. The problem is that he then says, rather too enthusiastically, 'Thank you anyway, have a lovely afternoon.' Why do I hate that? You might ask. He's only being nice. Well, first of all, he says it to everyone. And seeing as there are about four people per second walking past him, it means he's saying it all the time. 'Have a lovely afternoon, have a lovely afternoon, have a lovely afternoon...etc.etc.' Kind of dilutes the gesture a bit doesn't it?

Secondly, I actually don't think he's being nice at all. More than anyone I say 'no thanks' (or similar) to on the street, he strikes me as being the one who thinks, with the most venom, 'Thanks for nothing then, you cunt.' I don't trust him because his over-the-top politeness is just that little bit too much.

The second example is a lady at work who sends me emails occassionally, for mundane, everyday, part-of-my-job type requests. She's the sort of lady who seems very fragile - easily offended. Not in a bad way, necessarily, you just get the impression she's never had more than one and a half glasses of wine, has never sworn or had an angry thought. Not the sort you would expect to catch getting fucked in the stationary cupboard with a snooker ball in her mouth, let's just say.

Anyway - she always signs her emails off with "very many thanks and warmest regards" - no matter how small or mundane the request/topic. I'd hate to see what she says if I did something major for her like, I don't know...no, actually, I don't know. But fucking 'warmest regards'? That's the sort of shit I'm saving for if I ever have to thank someone for saving my child from a burning wreck of a plane, or something.

It's the same thing as with the Big Issue guy. In being excessively-polite she has in fact made me think she is covering something up and has actually succeeded in being slightly patronising and bloody annoying.